I’m not going to say much of anything about the Hunger Games. It was pretty good, but I think it’s only a matter of time before Gary Ross gets slammed with criticism and a demand for a formal apology to the Association of People with Motion Sickness Disorders. Jesus Christ that movie was jumpy. I counted, and on average the camera stayed on one shot for no more than three seconds at a time, and quite often that shot ended when the camera was phsyically moved from Jennifer Lawrence’s face to, say, her hand clutching her mockingjay pin. I just wanted to scream, “WHO CARES WHAT’S IN HER HAND? WHY IS THE CAMERA JUMPING AROUND WHEN THEY’RE RIDING ON A FRIGGIN TRAIN?”
But whatever, I took some Dramamine and got over it. The thing I was most looking forward to was seeing how badass Katniss looked shooting her bow and arrow on a scale of 1 to 10. I’ve always been a fan of the bow as a choice of weapon. It’s strategically a good idea. Why go running into the thick of things at the front lines, using up all your energy just to get sliced down once you get winded. No, it’s much smarter to chill out on the top of hill, eat a sandwich, and wait for your enemy to get close enough and then just pick them off with an arrow.
It is one of my greatest desires to someday learn how to shoot a bow and arrow and to look awesome doing it. I tried once in gym class in high school. Turns out it’s a lot harder than it looks to not only make the arrow go more than twenty feet, but also just to keep it on the damn string long enough to shoot it. For some reason our school thought it was completely ok to have actual, lethal, arrows for us to practice with. They warned us to be careful because we could actually kill each other, in theory. But I guess they knew that t would take months of practice before we’d be able to shoot our arrows with enough force to kill. I probably could have hurt someone more effectively by chucking a ruler at them by the time we finished that segment.
But I digress. I would say Jennifer Lawrence was so-so on the intimidation scale with her weapon. She definitely looked more convincing than Keira Knightly did in King Arthur, even without all the tribal makeup. Keira did an interview when that movie came out and said she liked the part because apparently she had done research or something and women did fight in battle in the dark ages? Which I’m not sure is accurate? But I know if they did go to battle they probably wore more armor than this:
But here are a few more people who outranked Jennifer in the baddassery department:
Jeremy Renner made a cameo appearance in Thor in his run-up to play Hawkeye in the Avengers. I don’t know who Hawkeye or Jeremy Renner is, but this man definitely has the shoulder definition to carry off the part. I’m starting to think that’s the secret to looking cool with a bow: deltoids.
3. Geena Davis
Geena Davis is only outranked by the last two guys on this list because she never actually shot a bow and arrow in a movie. BUT, she did get into the Olympics for archery, which earns her a permanent spot on my list of favorite people ever. Plus she kicked a lot of ass in The Long Kiss Goodnight alongside Samuel L. Jackson.
The man can walk on snow and shoot three arrows in one second. How did they shoot that scene where he rapid-fire shoots like that without making it look like claymation?
The most underrated archer of all-time, Gizmo lit fire to something that looked like a marshmallow and shot it at the spider gremlin in the air shaft in Gremlins 2: The New Batch. It doesn’t get anymore kick ass than that.